My Frog (joke - i hope!)

This Frog article is submitted by Xav.  Again Xav shares borrowed humor to brighten our days.

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A blonde goes to her local pet store in search of an exotic pet.
As she looks about the store, she notices a box full of frogs.

The sign reads:

SEX FROGS

   Only
$20 each!
Comes with COMPLETE instructions.




The girl excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her. 
She whispers softly to the man behind the counter, I’ll take one!'

As the man packages the frog, he quietly says to her, Just follow the instructions!'

The blonde nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home.

As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, she opens the instructions and 
reads them very carefully  She does EXACTLY what is specified:

1.  Take a shower.
2.  Splash on some nice perfume.
3.  Slip into a very sexy nightie.
4. Crawl into bed and place the frog down beside you, and allow the frog to do 
    what he has been trained to do.

She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and to her surprise, NOTHING happens!
The blonde is very disappointed and quite upset at this point. She re-reads the instructions 
and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, 
”If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet store."
So, she calls the pet store.  The man says, "I'll be right over."   Within minutes, 
the man is ringing her doorbell. The blonde welcomes him in and says, 
"See, I've done everything according to the instructions. The damn frog just SITS there!"

The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares 'directly into its eyes' and STERNLY says:

"LISTEN TO ME FROG! 

I'm only going to show you how to do this once more!"

Australian Blonde JOKE

This Xav Australian Blonde JOKE submission is not an original.  This joke has been around for quite a while but is published here just for the fun of it.

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A Drover walks into a bar with a pet crocodile by his side.  He puts the crocodile up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. 'I'll make you a deal. I'll open this crocodile's mouth and place my manhood inside. Then the croc will close his mouth for one minute.  'Then he'll open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink.'  The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his Credentials and related parts in the crocodile's open mouth. The croc closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer  bottle and smacked the crocodile really,really hard on the top of its head.  The croc opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered, and the first of his free drinks were delivered. The man stood up again and made another offer. 'I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try.' A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A blonde woman timidly Spoke up..........  'I'll try it - Just don't hit me so hard with the beer bottle!

Nursery Rhymes - Not Quite As I Remember Them

These GM (genetically modified) Nursery Rhymes were collected by Xav and given to me on 31 Dec 2011.  Xav has yet to have his own say but he sure is throwing bits of his sense of humour and collection our way.

Are Nursery Rhymes meant to be like this or do we need to Adult Rate them? :D

Once again, Xav and I share these with you for no other purpose than we can  ..
hope you will enjoy them.

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Mary had a little lamb. 
> Her father shot it dead. 
> Now it goes to school with her, 
> Between two hunks of bread. 


> Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, 
> Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. 
> All the kings' horses, 
> And all the kings' men. 
> Had scrambled eggs, 
> For breakfast again. 


> Hey diddle, diddle, the cat took a piddle, 
> All over the bedside clock. 
> The little dog laughed to see such fun. 
> Then died of electric shock. 


> Georgie Porgy pudding and pie, 
> Kissed the girls and made them cry. 
> And when the boys came out to play, 
> He kissed them too 'cos he was gay. 

Singapore Public Toilets Poems

Singapore has public toilets.  Singapore has poems in public toilets - though not everyone would call be kind enough to call them "poems".

And I am sure that these "poems" are not just found in the sunny land of Singapore.

These Singapore public toilet poems are not coined personally by Xav but, tho he does not know exactly where he collected them from, he has kindly submitted them for a few moments of titillation :)

I give them now to you exactly as Xav gave them to me (on 12 Dec 2011)

POEMS FOUND IN A MEN'S PUBLIC TOILET (in   Singapore  )

 

 

 

 

 

 

The first one goes:

THE 'FUTURE' IS IN YOUR HAND, HOLD IT GENTLY'

 

Another one... 
Here I lie in stinky vapor,
Because some bastard stole the toilet paper,
Shall I lie, or shall I linger,
Or shall I be forced to use my finger.  

 

This one by a budding poet... 
Here I sit
Broken hearted
Tried to shit
But only farted  

 

Then the next guy comes along....  

You're luckyYou had your chance,

 I tried to fart,And shat in my pants!  

 

Third guy with some inspiration.....
I came here
To shit and stink,
But all I do
Is sit and think.  

 

Then this guy from Singapore Fire Dept ....... (written high upon the wall) 
If you can piss above this line, the Singapore Fire Department wants you. 
 

and on the inside of a toilet door: 
Patrons are requested to remain seated throughout the entire performance. 

And finally a restaurant owner took this aiming issue a step further.....

The hands that clean these toilets also make your food...please aim properly. 

Don't Mess Around with a Chinaman

Xav's first tentative say was to talk about something I am sure he feels he knows quite a bit about: Don't Mess with a Chinaman.  He first contributed that article (source unknown) at my other site (segue2.com) which deals with mish-mash of thoughts of ramblings of ponderings.

That article Don't Mess with a Chinaman can be read there so to prevent Google from frowning down on us in disapproval for content duplication.

Enjoy and see you back here later!